Evanescence's Journey Across Fandom, Part One

[sadlikeknives]

Telly and I have determined that, as a rule, if a fandom exists, a songfic using Evanescence lyrics has been written in it.

So I have decided to offer a few examples. Behold my leet writerly skillz. It is my dearest hope that these will make you say, "I saw a fic like that once..." Forgive me. I know exactly what I do.

I. Lost: Going Under
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Shannon stood over her dead stepbrother/kind-of-lover's body, sobbing, and for some goddamned reason, an Evanescence song about drowning or some shit wouldn't get out of her head. She didn't even like Evanescence. She cried for a long time, then went to find Sayid. It wasn't his fault he'd taken her off on a romantic picnic while Boone was dying. He hadn't known. And also, he was really hot.

Fuck, she hoped she wasn't pregnant. That would suck to explain.


II. Harry Potter: Bring Me to Life
"Hey, Mary Sue, what's that you're listening to on your anachronistic iPod that wouldn't work at Hogwarts anyway?"

"Since you asked, Draco, it is "Bring Me to Life" a song I feel encapsulates our relationship perfectly, even though the band that will sing it probably isn't even in high school yet, as this is the early nineties."


III. Fullmetal Alchemist: Everybody's Fool
Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, sat down at his desk and pulled out his journal, and began to write a poem that expressed his most inner feelings. This is what he wrote:
perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled

And then he slit his wrists.


IV. The Phantom of the Opera: My Immortal
The Phantom sat down at his organ and began to play, pouring out his feelings for Christine. "I'm so tired of being here...suppressed by all these childish fears."

When Madame Giry came a few hours later, she found him muttering, "Horrible, horrible, no good on the organ, and why is it in English? I don't even speak English!


V. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Haunted
Buffy wandered through the Roman cemetery looking for vampires to kill, listening to music on her (surprisingly nonanachronistic) iPod, even though it made her unable to hear anything else, and if a vampire snuck up behind her she would be dead. She really thought this song was a perfect illustration of her problematic relationship with Spike. She wondered how he was getting along in the afterlife or whatever.

Then, she was too busy to worry about that, because a vampire had attacked her from behind and was choking her with her iPod wires.


VI. Lord of the Rings RPS: Tourniquet
Orlando sat in his trailer, staring at the shiny edge of the razor blade. Viggo would never love him. This was the only way he would ever have any peace.

By the time they realized he was late for his next scene and Sean Astin came to get him, he was already long dead. Perplexingly, his suicide note read simply "my god my torniquett." Out of respect for the dead, no one commented on the misspelling. They were sure it made sense at the time. The search for a new, less emotionally unstable Legolas began the next day.


VII. Firefly: Imaginary
River is crazy. She knows this. But crazy is kind of nice to be. Especially when you can fold origami. "Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me," she tells Simon solemnly as she tucks a paper flower behind his ear.

"You want to go outside? Mei mei, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos!" she insists angrily.

"I'll talk to the captain, all right?"

"Let me stay in my field of paper flowers."

"I have no idea what you want," he said, finally giving up.


VIII. Inuyasha: Taking Over Me
Kagome lay in her sleeping bag, listening to her new CD. She had to remember not to leave anything behind this time, in case future archaeologists started digging around here and got really confused. Wow, this song could almost be about her relationship with Inuyasha and Kikyo. All that about looking in the mirror and seeing someone else's face, and remembering someone even though they didn't remember you...okay, so it wasn't an exact match, but whatever. It was close.

The song gave Kagome hope that Inuyasha would fall in love with her and they would live happily ever after. And they did. The end.

Okay, so, here's the deal. I have three songs left on the CD, but I can't think of fandoms/scenarios to go with them. So as soon as I think of them, those will be forthcoming.

Comments

[juliadactyl.livejournal.com]

Um, with the Harry Potter one - I was in a MWPP-era RPG where one of the characters (a girl, of course) tried to woo Sirius by singing "My Immortal" to him.

There was some smackdown that day, oh yes.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

The HP one was actually the first one I wrote. There are so freakin' many HP fics out there with Evanescence songs, it's disgusting.

I am glad there was smackdown. It was deserved. I hope Sirius also blew her off thoroughly.

[mattador.livejournal.com]

*cries*

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Um. I'm sorry?

[mattador.livejournal.com]

It is okay. It is just that songfic hurts me. And I love Evanescence, but then I see songfic and I hate Evanescence and want to kill things. It is a very deep existential conflict.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I love Evanescence and hate songfic too. Unfortunately, others do not feel the same way, and so we must mock them. Like so. *points to entry*

[mattador.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Great. And I'm sorry I made you cry.

[mattador.livejournal.com]

I am recovered.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Yay. Any suggestions for the last three songs on the CD? I think I need some help.

[mattador.livejournal.com]

My brain would bleed.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

She really isn't sorry, don't listen to her.

[mattador.livejournal.com]

I know.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Hush, you.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

She really thought this song was a perfect illustration of her problematic relationship with Spike.

I saw ten thousand fics a fic like that once!

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Yay!

And probably not even one where she got strangled with the iPod wires.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

No, that part was original. She's usually sobbing and listening to the radio.

The great part about that line is you can fill in any name and it's every songfic ever.

Professor McGonagle really thought this song was a perfect illustration of her problematic relationship with Moaning Myrtle.

Zack really thought this song was a perfect illustration of his problematic relationship with Mr. Belding.

See?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Heh. A lot of them were just stock songfic lines with my crazy interpretations thrown in.

Zack really thought this song was a perfect illustration of his problematic relationship with Mr. Belding.

Congratulations, you just broke my childhood.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

Congratulations, you just broke my childhood.

I win!

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

You had any childhood left unbroken? I'm surprised.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I still cling to some very small pieces that have been spared.

There is one less today.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Seriously, if anyone besides me remembers the existence of certain cartoons well enough to slash them, and I stumble across them...

Well, then I'm afraid I'll have to actually seek therapy, as the obscure is really all I have left pure at this point.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

Dude, were you not the person who posted Care Bears smut and destroyed my childhood? I'm just trying to settle the score!

*Ponders trying to find Blossom/Six/Joey fic*

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I was the one who found and unleashed the Smurf smut. I'm not sure about Care Bears.

But if the cartoons I watched before running off to school in first grade got slashed...well. "Bond, James Bond. Junior." I've said too much.

[keenai.livejournal.com]

Those are the best fics I have ever, ever readed.

U R SO KEWL>!er1!

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

OMG THANKZ liek I rilly think I captured the essence of it, y'know?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Ow.

[auroura76.livejournal.com]

"Since you asked, Draco, it is "Bring Me to Life" a song I feel encapsulates our relationship perfectly, even though the band that will sing it probably isn't even in high school yet, as this is the early nineties."

Ha! Also, ew. I happen to hate Evanescence, so this is bad, bad, bad on all counts.

I wonder if these fanfic writers were born with a gene that renders it impossible for them to feel shame?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

No, but I think half of them are missing the intelligence gene.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Evanescence is sooooo overused in fandom. To the extent that Saturday night, while we were watching Daredevil (...shut up), they had a video for... one of those songs, on account of it being in Daredevil (shut UP!), and I was all "Gah, fanwanky."

Even though it was canon? STILL FANWANKY.


*luffs you*

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

*luffs back*

[delurker.livejournal.com]

IV. The Phantom of the Opera: My Immortal
When Madame Giry came a few hours later, she found him muttering, "Horrible, horrible, no good on the organ, and why is it in English? I don't even speak English!
Never let the facts get in the way of a spork-inducinggood story!


V. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Haunted
Buffy wandered through the Roman cemetery looking for vampires to kill, listening to music on her (surprisingly nonanachronistic) iPod, even though it made her unable to hear anything else, and if a vampire snuck up behind her she would be dead.
Surprisingly nonanachronistic! Bwee! *loves*
Then, she was too busy to worry about that, because a vampire had attacked her from behind and was choking her with her iPod wires.
*iz ded, just like Buffy*
They had this in Blade: Trinity. She went out vamp hunting with her iPod. 0.o Obviously the 'How can we product place Apple in this film?' board were sneaky on that one and slipped it into the script. Like this:
SETTING: It is late at night. The night watchman, asleep in his chair, is alone in the office. Or is he? In the distance we see two figures, badly hidden behind a potted plant.
HCWPPAINTF WORKER ONE (TERRY): Dude, are you sure he's asleep?
HCWPPAINTF WORKER TWO (BRUCE): 'Course, mate. I spiked his doughnut with sleeping pills.
TERRY: ... are you sure he'll be okay?
BRUCE: No worries, mate. Besides, it's the only way to ensure this film is properly product placed! They tried to stop us, but the forces of advertisinggood will prevail!
TERRY: You're right. Let's do it for the people!
BRUCE and TERRY 'SNEAK' in a REALLY OBVIOUS WAY DOWN the CORRIDOR. Somehow they MAKE it to the SCRIPTWRITER'S ROOM, where they BOOT up his COMPUTER.
TERRY: *DOUBLE CLICKS on the BLADE:TRINITY SCRIPT FILE* *INSERTS FLOPPY DISK into DRIVE* Now, if we just add this little scene in here... *CUTS and PASTES*¹
BRUCE: What about the rest of the film?
TERRY: Eh?
BRUCE: Well, won't people notice if the iPod disappears in the next scene? We should write it into the rest of the film too.
TERRY: No need! We can leave all that to the continuity people. Brilliant, if I don't say so myself.
BRUCE: Genius.
TERRY and BRUCE stand back to survey their handiwork.
BRUCE: You know what would make this even better?
TERRY: If this computer was an Apple.
Both NOD.

¹My iP0d iz pastede in yay!

And cut, to save what remains of my sanity. I have too much time on my hands, really.


VII. Firefly: Imaginary
River is crazy. She knows this. But crazy is kind of nice to be. Especially when you can fold origami. "Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me," she tells Simon solemnly as she tucks a paper flower behind his ear.
"You want to go outside? Mei mei, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."
"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos!" she insists angrily.
"I'll talk to the captain, all right?"
"Let me stay in my field of paper flowers."
"I have no idea what you want," he said, finally giving up.
I bow in awe of your brilliance.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Now I really want to see Blade: Trinity, if only to mock this scene. Sigh. And the first movie was such lovely, profanity-laced bloodshed (perfect for PMS-ing me).

I bow in awe of your brilliance.

Thank you. And I just noticed my tense shift there. *headdesk* Ah, well, it fits in with the whole spork-inducing theme.

[sonneta.livejournal.com]

HA! These are so true.