So. Hellblazer. (lotsa screaming, lotsa cussing)

What the fuck?

No, seriously. What the FUCK?!

KEANU REEVES?? KEANU FUCKING REEVES AS JOHN CONSTANTINE??? Were the casting directors on CRACK?? I...I...Just no, okay? NO! It's WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS!

And then it's in L-fucking-A! CALIFORNIA!!! Probably because fucking Reeves couldn't do a British accent if his goddamned life depended on it! Jesus fucking CHRIST on a pogo stick, why are they even calling this movie Hellblazer?? They could've changed the names and poof, whole different movie!

WHAT THE FUCK???