I Feel Old

[sadlikeknives]

Well, not old, old, because I'm nineteen, which is so very not old.

This is, er, slightly thesis-y. I apologize for the length. So...

But, see, I've been online for like, four years now. I was at MBTV in the heyday, I was there for the name change, I was there for the Great Forum Restructuring. I was, if I do say so myself, a catalyst of the exodus. Me and fox1013 gabbing on AIM, and it turned into Meta.

I got banned for something I didn't do, along with a couple dozen other people, in one of the wankiest episodes in TWoP history. I know from ugly experience that TWoP sucks cock, has gone down beyond all belief into a fascist state since I flitted about their boards like a happy child for the first eight months of my Internet existence.

fox1013 is my definition of a big name fan, no matter what she may say to the contrary, because as long as I've known her, everyone has known who she is. Hell, I spent a few months afraid to talk to her, because as far as TWoP went, she was like, the biggest. And then I saw a picture of her and we looked eerily alike, and I thought, hey, I can do this. And now she's my Evil Twin.

(I haven't spoken to brooding_soul in like, two years because we got on a fight on AIM one night about which of us was going to rule the world with Foxy when she took over, and that's crazy, because I really liked Brood.)

And then there was Meta, and it was good for a time, but all good things must come to an end. And so Meta died, and now I can say I admined a board with two hundred members, if very laxly (our only rule was 'no porn', I believe).

And now, there are these new people. People I like. cleolinda, for example. And they like TWoP. As far as they're concerned, it's just a snarky site with TV recaps. They don't know there's anything wrong with TWoP. I don't think they know there ever was anything wrong with TWoP, that we turned around one day and a girl they'd built a franchise around wasn't wanted any more because she took her toys elsewhere for a while, that they had to take down their 'top ten posters' list because all the ones who weren't mods or admins had been banned.

They don't know these things, because the Internet is a transitory being, and they weren't there. As far as TWoP goes, I am old.

I could've made a big-name fan of myself, I think. Or an utter wanker. I could've posted about a gazillion fics by now, in any number of fandoms. Ask teleute12, she's read some of them. But I'm too damned shy to face criticism, so they sit on my hard drive. No one knows who I am.

But I'm definitely feeling my age.

teleute12 was helping me make this entry non-cunty, and she said when she started posting at the old Meta thread, she was afraid to post until she made me laugh at something, because I was one of the big posters. And I was suddenly, astonishingly flattered. I thought I was a nothing noob, right up until the end. I thought she was a big poster. She started the freakin' Highlander thread, for crying out loud. Did anyone else think I was a big poster? Really?

And actually, you know what? Bugger it. I'm making this public.

Comments

[auroura76.livejournal.com]

Not that you're fishing for compliments or anything? But you were definitely big in my eyes. And hell, I was a lurker since the Dawson's Wrap days.

MBTV seems so removed to me. I can't believe how much I used to post there. Was the name change only three years ago? Damn. I still remember posting about The Ros at a fresh 16.

Great. Now I feel old too. And I was definitely not significant like the rest of you lot, so I have nothing to say for all this time wasted on the 'net. Thanks a lot, vamp! ;)

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I'm really not fishing for compliments. I'm kind of astonished that anybody thought I was big. I thought you were big.

Aw. I didn't mean to make you feel old, too! *guilt*

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

You were one of the big posters.

I went to TWoP a couple weeks ago to check for Degrassi spoilers and the boards have just got even worse. Even more odd rules and you're not allowed to make multiple posts or something, so people keep editing one post to address things people said after they posted.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Dude. Really? Dude.

That is like, the dumbest policy ever.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

Seriously. It makes the posts really hard to follow. They seem to be cracking down more on little things. Meanwhile, there are all these posts with no capitalization and bad spelling and they don't seem to care about that. It kind of makes me glad I was banned.

[sneezydove.livejournal.com]

I definitely saw you as a big name. Mostly that was when you started Meta because I don't think we spoke before then. So actually, I was more intimidated by you than Fox (and being intimidated by Fox seems so silly now) because we hadn't spoken.

But I'm sort of an odd person out on this whole TWoP/LJ thing. I felt like I was part of the group when there were still chats, but since those have stopped I just sorta comment on people ljs and that's it. I obviously write in mine, but very few people actually read it.

This whole internet group thing is just weird and we shouldn't put too much thought into it (even though we all know we do).

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I think I want to marry your icon.

I miss the chats. I feel all disconnected from everybody now.

I think it's kind of like this 'I'm just a newbie even though I've been around since I could barely walk' business of Fox's. Everybody has a lower idea of themselves than everybody else does.

[sneezydove.livejournal.com]

Sorry, my icon is spoken for.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Curses. Foiled again.

[sonneta.livejournal.com]

You, and, yes, Foxia (despite her protests) were both Big Namers to me at Meta- you always seemed like you knew The People In Charge, and you *were* one of those people.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I always felt like a freakin' idiot at Meta, because here I am, sixteen, and I'm supposed to be bossing people with, like, college degrees around.

There are a lot of commas in that sentence. *eyes suspiciously*

[keenai.livejournal.com]

I meant to comment on this before, but, you know, life and stuff.

And now, there are these new people. People I like. . . And they like TWoP.

I've noticed this, too. Part of me wants to shake them until they realize that no TWoP = good TWoP, and then I remember that not everybody had the same experience we did.

And then they start complaining a bit too. Hee.

But yeah.

I wish we could've seen the cunty entry now. *snerk*

[highhorse.livejournal.com]

Hey Vampy. Long time, no see.

I definitely thought you were one of the big, cool posters at both TWoP and Meta. It's a shame that Meta is no longer...although I do post from time to time with the handful that's left.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Hi! Ohmigoodness! Hi!

I had no internet all summer, and I kind of...forgot my Meta password. And the e-mail address I have on file there is my old, defunct AOL address. So...yeah. I'm out.

They've gotten much too big for their britches.

[(Anonymous)]

They've gotten waaay too big for their britches.In my opinion. I'm sorry I got sucked into that when I was unemployed, I got a warning right off the bat, and almost quit for good. In some alternate reality, I do not know the depths of wankitude and incredibly brainwashed people who eat that crap up like candy. I don't like cults very much, and it started to feel like one.