Is That A Gun In Your Hand?

[sadlikeknives]

Or, adventures of the mercenary accountants. Part One. Origific.

Adapted from free write the other day, and also for celli's 2005 Tax Challenge. Prompts were, "Isn't that a gun in your hand?" and "I would just like to say I am not the killer." I'm working on outlining a longer Mercenary Accountants story, but "Age of Heroes" has to get the bulk of my attention.


Title: Not At Fault
Rating: I don't know, PG-13 for the word 'fuck'?
Summary: "The Accounting Division of the Interplanetary Mercenaries Guild is not liable for any damage, lost property, or bodily injury, up to and including death, occurring within the division."

"I would just like to say, I am not the killer."

The employees of the Interplanetary Mercenaries Guild, Accounting Division peered down at the corpse, laid out in the aisle between two rows of cubicles. "I don't think it actually matters," one said. "We have immunity."

"Not from mercenaries!"

"Yeah, but if they kill us, who's going to do their taxes?"

"Isn't that a gun in your hand?"

"Stun gun. But I didn't use it! I just showed him the Guild's withholdings, and how that affected the tax return on his planet of residence. And then he fell over."

"The stunners they issue us don't have enough oomph to fry a guy. Unless he has a preexisting condition." Emme Reinhardt nudged the body with one toe. "Did he?"

"Hell if I know."

Chris Ellis sighed. "I'll call Forensics. Get them to send somebody down to check this out."

"Somebody needs to check his account and see what arrangements he had made. Fuck, are we going to have to pay for this?"

"No," Emme said. "We have indemnity against claim for any damages suffered in the Accounting Department. Though we're probably negligent at the very least in this case. All right, everybody, get back to work. Nothing but a dead body to see here, and we have to file in the Andromeda system by next Monday."

"What about the dead guy?"

"Just leave him."

"Just leave him?"

"You're new here, aren't you?"

"Don't worry about him, kid. He ain't getting any deader."

Comments

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Shiny fic.

Also shiny, although not fic.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

*stares*

...I'll be in my bunk. Possibly forever.

GUH

[celli]

*dies laughing* So, so, so perfect. Thank you!

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention the funniest part. In CW we went around the table and told what our free writes were about, and when it came to me (after several people's rather mundane explanations) I said with a straight face, "Mercenary accountants."

The look on my teacher's face was priceless.

[dolimir-k.livejournal.com]

This is too funny!

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Ack! Totally didn't know this was here!

Thank you!

[delurker.livejournal.com]

*"Don't worry about him, kid. He ain't getting any deader."
*dies*

<3! This is perfect. I'd love to read more when you get time.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm currently working on the sequel.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

HP fic. Remus/Sirus. Long, with porn. And, you know, seriously shiny. There's parts two and three she posted the same day. Go, read, enjoy.

[lastscorpion.livejournal.com]

LOL! That's hilarious!