Doubleyoo Tee Eff, Mate

[sadlikeknives]

So, the latest installment of AoH is set in Russia, and I was doing some Googlage to see if the gang I had my heroes fighting fit any of the myths. Half of them don't, but bugger them. One of them I made half domovoi, and another one I thought, Hey, she could be a veela. Are veelas real?. So I set out to google.

Most of what I got was HP-related, including a lot of bad fanfiction, but I was able to discern that veelas are, in fact, based on a real myth.

And then I came across THIS. Warning: This is a vulva puppet.

Yes, you read that correctly. Vulva puppet.

So I did the only sensible thing and showed it to Telly, and we gawked together.

And then I found this one, and we went from gawking to RAGE.

vampychick: Ame no Uzume is made from an antique, one of a kind, kimono circa 1900. This fabric is made by a Master! Pure silk, it is blue indigo dye and the fabric is infused with gold and silver, the reds are stunning. I can only make 6 puppets from this incredible fabric.
teleute12: Oh my GOD.
vampychick19: Bitch, you chopped up a one-of-a-kind, antique garment to make vulva puppets?????
vampychick19: *loses her shit*
teleute12: She's using an antique kimono to cut up and make PUPPETS out of??!
vampychick19: Not just any puppets! VULVA PUPPETS!!!
vampychick19: Oh, my GOD.
vampychick19: And from the fabric, it was absolutely gorgeous when it was in kimono form.
vampychick19: And there's another one!
teleute12: I saw!
vampychick19: A few down the page. "Fuji"
teleute12: !
vampychick19: I think it might be from the same kimono, though. *squint* Hopefully, she hasn't done this to two different garments.
vampychick19: I just...I...
vampychick19: RAGE
teleute12: Shit, woman, I get that you're good at what you do, but couldn't you fucking do something else? WITH something else?
vampychick19: No! Only vulva puppets!
vampychick19: Very expensive vulva puppets!
teleute12: GOD.

And then, there was intro page.

vampychick19: The Wondrous Vulva Puppet™ has been quietly creating a Vulvalution. Through the powerful use of story telling, the puppet has assisted educators, lovers, artists and healers, by providing a means for expression of sexuality.
vampychick19: Bwahahahaha.
vampychick19: And, I have no idea if this is true: Eve Ensler's award winning play, "The Vagina Monologues", was inspired by the Wondrous Vulva Puppet. But I kind of hope not.
teleute12: I do not get the obsession of some women with their vulva.
vampychick19: Well, it can be fun.
vampychick19: It can also suck.
vampychick19: Oh, wait, that's the uterus.
teleute12: I mean, okay, femaninity, womyn-power, embracing sexuality, blah.
teleute12: But... god.
vampychick19: I like to think I know my own parts pretty well, but WTF is the little loop of pink ribbon supposed to be?
vampychick19: It's too low for the clit, which I assume is housed in the 'hood' of fabric....*tilts head*
teleute12: hymen?
teleute12: *shruuug*
vampychick19: Every single puppet has a little loop of ribbon, which makes me think it's meant to be something specific. But I don't know what.
vampychick19: Yeah, but then wouldn't it only be there for virgin puppets?
vampychick19: This is the strangest conversation I've ever had.
vampychick19: Ah. Apparently, it's supposed to be the g-spot.
teleute12: ...

Wondrous Vulva Puppets! Vulvalution! The woman who makes these things is a vulvalutionary! I mean, come on!!!

teleute12: You know, I would love to see what Meta would've made of this, back in the day.
teleute12: Probably a great deal of pointing and laughing.
vampychick19: So would I.
vampychick19: This would've given us cannon fodder for weeks.

Comments

[innle.livejournal.com]

"Teaching the anatomy of the door of the goddess"? AHAHAHAHA!

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

I've heard of these! I wonder how many teenage boys buy them and try to practice on them.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

They're kind of expensive for that. The 'educational' model, that's supposed to be as low-priced as she can possibly go, in inferior fabrics and without the beads(!) is two hundred and fifty bucks. Plus thirty dollars shipping (and I wonder how much they weigh that they cost thirty bucks to ship). I think you could pretty much buy a hooker for less.

[willothewisps.livejournal.com]

Damn. You could buy several hookers.