I See Stupid People...

[sadlikeknives]

They're everywhere...they don't know they're dumb.

Remember how I said there was no way anyone could mistake the relationship between Alexander and Hephaistion? I hate being proven wrong.

I seem to have a fondness for script format these days. Hmm.

Scene: An Art History classroom, not far from here, earlier this afternoon. Several students are waiting for the class to begin. Behind our heroine sit three sorority girls, who we'll call S1, S2, and S3. Last night, S1 and S2 apparently went to see Alexander.

S3: So, how was it?
Vampy: *is listening with about half an ear because, Alexander*
S1: It was pretty good. Jared Leto's hot, but there was some weird kind of vibe going on with him and Colin Farrell. He seemed a little obsessed.
Vampy's Brain: ...omgwtf?
S2: Yeah, what was that all about? Were they like, cousins or something?
Vampy: Oh my GOD!
Most of the class: *turns, looks, decides it's not important and goes about their business*
S2: Do you know what was going on?
Vampy: Well, I'm kind of a geek. And lover of Hephaistion. So yes.
S1: Who?
Vampy: *sigh* Jared Leto.
All S's: Ohhhh.
Vampy: Jared Leto and Colin Farrell were in love. And Jared Leto was afraid he was going to lose Alexander to one of his many hangers-on or possibly Roxane, so, yeah, little possessive.
S3: But they're men!
Vampy: Yeah, well, things were different then.
S1: I thought he loved Rosario Dawson.
Vampy: No, she was a political decision. A rather sketchy political decision, but still.
S2: *the light is dawning* Oh. OH!
Vampy: Yes.
S2: *turns to S1* Remember, that thing about little Jared Leto and his thighs? (Vampy's Brain: !!!) And the ring? And how we couldn't figure out why he'd think Roxane wanted Jared Leto dead? It makes so much more sense if they were in love!
S1: Well, yeah, I guess, but then why didn't they kiss?
Vampy: *bitter* Because apparently American mainstream audiences aren't ready to see two men show real affection. But at least we got the Pausanias kiss.
S1: Who?
Vampy: The guy who killed Alexander's father? He was a former lover of Phillip's, who got raped by Attalus--that old guy Alexander was mad at in the banquet scene--and his men, and Phillip wouldn't give him justice 'cause it wasn't politically sound. So he killed him, which makes sense to me. Oh, and Bagoas.
S2: *suspiciously* Are you a history major?
Vampy. No. Just a geek.
S2: Oh. Okay, then.

Comments

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Oi, no fair stealing my quote!

Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

*pets the pretty OTP icon*

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Preeeeeetty. I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP!!! *cough*

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to ruin yours.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break that with a thousand swords.

This has got to be the most romantic movie in the world, dude.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

As you wish.

Oh, abso-freakin'-lutely.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Since the dawn of time there have been five kisses that were rated the most pure, the most passionate. This one left them all behind.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

This is true love - you think this happens every day?

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Eventually, Buttercup came to realize that when her farmboy said "as you wish", he was really saying "I love you."

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

We are such saps they could boil us and make maple syrup.

Is this a kissing book?

Wait, I think I already used that one.

Mawwidge. Mawwidge is what bwings us togevvuh...today.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

We are. I love it.

They're kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Oh, so do I.

You killed my love!
It's possible. I kill a lot of people.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Have you ever considered going into piracy? You'd make a fantastic Dread Pirate Roberts.

I need this movie on DVD. Now.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

I have this movie on DVD. Also, VHS. Also, the book. TR took custody of the poster, though.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

I'm not left-handed.

I'm jealous. If I get some Christmas money, I think I'll spent a bit of it on that.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

You should. It roxxors.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

For now, rest well and dream of large women.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I'm on the brute squad!
You are the brute squad.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Let me 'splain. ...No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I only dog paddle.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

If I make him better, Humperdink suffers?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

To the death.
No! To the pain!

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

So it's to be torture, then?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

And then my eyes and then my ears, I suppose?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

*checks IMDB* OMG I got it right.

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, I love you but you scare me sometimes.