Does Jesus Kill Ants?

[sadlikeknives]

So, I was walking across the parking lot with a very heavy basket of laundry on my hip, when I was accosted by a man in a suit, wielding a Bible. His opening line, however, gave me my in.

"Miss, what would you say you want out of life?"

I thought about it, shifted the basket a little, snapped my gum. "Well, I'd like a good job, a nice house, maybe a husband and some kids. Money. Money would be nice. And I'd like to pass Russian. But my ultimate goal in life, right now?" He leaned in. "I want to get rid of the motherfucking ants that have infested my bathmat." He recoiled. I shook the laundry basket at him. "Wanna see? One of my cats horked up on it yesterday, and damn, those ants move fast."

He ran like hell.

Comments

[thediz.livejournal.com]

This? Fucking hilarious.

[jlrane.livejournal.com]

And you claim to be scared of talking to people?

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

I'm not scared of talking to annoying people.

[vespered.livejournal.com]

You're VampyChick off the Straight Dope, aren't you?

Don't be afraid! I am a former StraightDoper and another Tuscalooser. I was Nocturne. I didn't feel like paying to post because I barely posted when the subscription shit started.

Anyway, hi.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Hi! How'd you find me?

[vespered.livejournal.com]

Well, I was reading sicktodeathmx's journal entry and saw jlrane's comment, and I remembered that I know jlrane, so I went to her friends list to see if I knew anyone else there.

And then I saw your lj name, and I thought "Hmmmm, that sounds oddly familiar, I wonder if she was VampyChick on the SDMB" and lo and behold! I was right.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Wow. It's like Six Degrees of Livejournal.

[jasminelily.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Also: use rubbing alcohol for ants.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

They're gone now. The washing machine took care of them.

What's funny is, if he'd just stuck to the usual, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior" schtick he would never have had to know about my ants. That'll teach him.

Your icon makes me hungry.

Seems to be a fad

[(Anonymous)]

Hey! It's been waaay too long since I've talked with you. I was wondering if you wanted to get together next weekend you're in town for some coffee or something. Britt and I were talking about how much we missed you and she happened to remember your livejournal. Yahoo me if you wanna. I've missed ya, love ya, hope to talk to you soon. -hardyparty

Re: Seems to be a fad

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

*jawdrop*

BRENT! OMG! I lost your phone number and then someone said you moved and I had no idea how to get in touch with you! AAAAAAH! *clings*