sadlikeknives | Does Jesus Kill Ants?

So, I was walking across the parking lot with a very heavy basket of laundry on my hip, when I was accosted by a man in a suit, wielding a Bible. His opening line, however, gave me my in.

"Miss, what would you say you want out of life?"

I thought about it, shifted the basket a little, snapped my gum. "Well, I'd like a good job, a nice house, maybe a husband and some kids. Money. Money would be nice. And I'd like to pass Russian. But my ultimate goal in life, right now?" He leaned in. "I want to get rid of the motherfucking ants that have infested my bathmat." He recoiled. I shook the laundry basket at him. "Wanna see? One of my cats horked up on it yesterday, and damn, those ants move fast."

He ran like hell.